Apathy

"I'm not carefree, I'm free to care. I just never do."

 

I'm so done with high school. Ohmygod. I'd do anything to not have to go the rest of the year. College is calling. I need to get out and be on my own. Start a new, better life. Meet people, travel and experience beautiful things. I need freedom.

 

I have a serious case of senioritis. big time. lets just hope that i can find a way to make it through the year.

 

Also, I honestly don't care about shit anymore. Like whatever happens, happens. If I look bad, it doesnt bother me. Most of the kids at school, I couldn't care less about. I do enjoy music, and outside, and beautiful things, and laughing. That's whats making me happy these days.

 

Thank God for Stevie Laughead and Aaron Speer, or I'd be so completely dead right now.

I need to say something. Part Two.

This is for all of you who broke my heart, or if i broke yours, i'm truely sorry.

Dear you,
I love you.
I hate you.
if that makes any sense. i've loved you for a while, and it has been awful. my mom once told me in regards to you, "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's was truely yours, if it doesnt, it never was." i believe that to be true to a certain extent. but whatever. loving you has been a rollercoaster ride of crazy. Mostly downs, but the highs were so high. You caused me so much pain. so so much. i think i'm finally over it. we've both changed, and i'm moving on. i will miss all the awesome times we had together, but i'm starting to believe it was all false happiness. i will no longer be used by you. i'll see you from time to time, but i'll be fine. you can't control my emotions anymore.



hello.
i don't really know you, but you completley changed my life.
you used me and you broke a piece of my heart. you were deceitful, and beguiling. i cried for weeks after i met you/hung out with you. i didnt eat for a few days. i didnt do anything but sit on my bed,listen to "right ahead you sailor" over and over again, and get high. it was so depressing. i just wish you were sorry, i'm sorry. i wish i could take it back, but i cant.
it was nice meeting you.
           fuck you!
                                  katherine


dear europe,
i'm sorry for being scared. and being mean and cold to you.
you're a great person and i really wish we could have a second chance.
-klove

dear dear,
i'm so sorry for doing what i did to you. things just couldn't work out. you were always so nice and caring. try and continue to be that way.
-katherine.

When it rains, it pours.

Tonight is a Right Away Great Captain night.
Basically listening to these songs are what i listen to when i'm terribly sad.
Today i found out that i will not be Jasmine in the school play Aladdin.
It's my senior year and i totally 100% deserve that part.
My best friend is Aladdin, and its so hard for me to be happy for him, but i am.
It just sucks that i'm not able to like show the world how awesome i would play that part.
I'm so sick of constantly being dissapointed.
I feel like since February of 2009, my whole life has been one big fucking dissapointment.
I miss Stevie being at my school.
Like i have no one to talk to, and really talk about stuff to at school everyday.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I want to go to college, but i don't.
I just want to go out and experience life without having all kinds of nonsense shoved down my throat.
I'm so afraid i'm going to grow up and be an addict.
I really don't want to die from that.
I want to be 100 years old and have grandchildren.
I want to sit on my porch swing, old as allgetout, laughing my ass off.
But i just dont see that coming true.
I miss so many people that have been in my life, but aren't anymore.
It kills me.
It really does.

I need to say something.

There have been so many amazing people that have been in my life, as well as pretty terrible ones.

This is for them.


hey.
i'm not even sure if i saw you, i could say that to you.
you've messed up big time. i thought i was great enough for you to wanna stick around, i guess not. i hate what you've put me through. It's been a year since i found out. and it still breaks my heart everyday. i miss the old you, please comeback? but you've got a new family now. thats cool, i hope they treat you like you treated me.

Sincerely
your daughter?

HEY!
you have gotten me through all the bad situations i've been in. even if not physically, i'm so glad youve been around to hold my hand and help me to move forward. Mrs. Nivens' second grade class was destiny for us. you are one of my super best friends and i thank you and love you for everything you've done and will do.

You're loved,
   Katherine (:


ILOVEYOU!
we havent been mega best friends for a super long time, but it's so great to have you in my life. You seriously need to come back to AHS, no matter how lame it is. i love hanging out with you, evr since that bonfire in Lugoff we have been so wonderfully close. we always find something to laugh about, and we always have fun. You are always yourself, and i love that about you. always stand up for yourself. i know you've had quite a few struggles, but i know that in the end, everything will work out awesome, and you'll look back and be like WTF was i thinking?? You're a beautiful person & i love you so much.

Love,
  Kat-Attack

-that's all i could write tonight, i'm terribly sleepy. i'll finish these letters tomorrow hopefully.

But for now, Goodnight.