yeahhhh.
my mom doesnt need to know every detail of my life, and for the most part she knows all the stuff that's on here.
so you don't need to go around being a tattle tale.
k, thanks!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
tendaychallenge. partten.
its been far more than ten days, but i've been busy as allgetout.
One Confession-
I've been thinkning about this, and i'm not so sure. There are a lot of things that people don't know, and a lot of things people do know.
I guess my confession would be that, I simply cannot confess to the truth that needs to be told. There's been shit thats happened and i just cant talk about it. Shit that absolutley nobody knows about. It sucks and its painful, but i dont know i'll ever move on and get over it, i just have to deal.
One Confession-
I've been thinkning about this, and i'm not so sure. There are a lot of things that people don't know, and a lot of things people do know.
I guess my confession would be that, I simply cannot confess to the truth that needs to be told. There's been shit thats happened and i just cant talk about it. Shit that absolutley nobody knows about. It sucks and its painful, but i dont know i'll ever move on and get over it, i just have to deal.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
tendaychallenge. parteight.
Four turn offs-
hmmm.
1) If i watch you play a show (: Mmmm.
2) Being funny. Like if we have inside jokes and connections.
3) Every individual guy has like special things about him that are sexy. So it depends.
hmmm.
1) If i watch you play a show (: Mmmm.
2) Being funny. Like if we have inside jokes and connections.
3) Every individual guy has like special things about him that are sexy. So it depends.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
tendaychallenge. partseven.
Four turn offs.
well,
1) being an asshole. just don't be mean to people for the heck of it.
2) a guy who is too goody goody. like its okay if you don't want to do certain things, but dont tell me or anyone else not to.
3) don't use me or anyone, and don't put me down. i've already dealt with that crap, and its so not worth it.
4) DO NOT EVER CHEAT. EVER. people who cheat are the absolute scum of the earth.
"I was living in a devil town, I didn't know it was a devil town. Oh lord it really brings me down about the devil town."
well,
1) being an asshole. just don't be mean to people for the heck of it.
2) a guy who is too goody goody. like its okay if you don't want to do certain things, but dont tell me or anyone else not to.
3) don't use me or anyone, and don't put me down. i've already dealt with that crap, and its so not worth it.
4) DO NOT EVER CHEAT. EVER. people who cheat are the absolute scum of the earth.
"I was living in a devil town, I didn't know it was a devil town. Oh lord it really brings me down about the devil town."
Monday, October 11, 2010
tendaychallenge. partsix.
i was being really slack and missed a day of this. so today, i'm doing five & six.
name five people who mean a lot
(i take this as people who have helped you out,and you couldnt live without. there are tons of people who mean a lot, but these have made the difference.)
-stevielaughead.
-aaronspeer.
-grammie.
-mom.
-*this space is left open for someone to come in, and change everything for me. help make things better, and shine their light into my life.*
name five people who mean a lot
(i take this as people who have helped you out,and you couldnt live without. there are tons of people who mean a lot, but these have made the difference.)
-stevielaughead.
-aaronspeer.
-grammie.
-mom.
-*this space is left open for someone to come in, and change everything for me. help make things better, and shine their light into my life.*
tendaychallenge. partfive.
six things i wish i'd never done. oh dear.
1) february 21, 2009.
2) i should have said something. i'm sorry. to me, to you.
3) ohhh that saturday night during student government conference. and most of you only know half the story.
4) cared so much.
5) ^ that counts for two.
6) i should've never been so afraid. just do it if i want to do it.
1) february 21, 2009.
2) i should have said something. i'm sorry. to me, to you.
3) ohhh that saturday night during student government conference. and most of you only know half the story.
4) cared so much.
5) ^ that counts for two.
6) i should've never been so afraid. just do it if i want to do it.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
tendaychallenge. partfour.
seven things that cross my mind a lot.
hmm.
1) what is it that i need to do today?
2) hmmmmph. this sucks.
3) i need to get more.
4) what are (family,friends) doing today?
5) why should i go to school
6) i try and focus on the things that i'm excited for
7) i wish this, this, and this.
hmm.
1) what is it that i need to do today?
2) hmmmmph. this sucks.
3) i need to get more.
4) what are (family,friends) doing today?
5) why should i go to school
6) i try and focus on the things that i'm excited for
7) i wish this, this, and this.
Friday, October 8, 2010
tendaychallenge. partthree
eight ways to win my heart.
hmm, this is a difficult one.
1) Make me laugh. All the time. Tell me ridiculous stories, be corny, and witty. I love that.
2) Don't be an asshole to me, or other people. Especially if you act like a douche for no particular reason.
3) Like music. A lot. Extra points if you can make it in some way.
4) Be different.
5) Be spontanious. Call me and say, hey we're going on an adventure.
6) Be genuine always. Be yourself. Don't put on acts.
7) Show me off, to your friends, and your family. Its nice to know that you're proud of me.
8)Don't be scared. If i like you, i like you. Be assertive, just come right up and kiss me, stuff like that.
" This suit is blackpauseNOT."
i love my life sometimes.
hmm, this is a difficult one.
1) Make me laugh. All the time. Tell me ridiculous stories, be corny, and witty. I love that.
2) Don't be an asshole to me, or other people. Especially if you act like a douche for no particular reason.
3) Like music. A lot. Extra points if you can make it in some way.
4) Be different.
5) Be spontanious. Call me and say, hey we're going on an adventure.
6) Be genuine always. Be yourself. Don't put on acts.
7) Show me off, to your friends, and your family. Its nice to know that you're proud of me.
8)Don't be scared. If i like you, i like you. Be assertive, just come right up and kiss me, stuff like that.
" This suit is blackpauseNOT."
i love my life sometimes.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
tendaychallenge. parttwo.
Nine things about yourself-
1) I'm way different compared to your average person. I break rules, i take risks, participate in illegal activities. BUT HEY, guess what?? I'm ranked number 6 in my senior class, i love student government, i'm in theatre productions, i play in the orchestra. So, yeah. there arent too many of those walking around.
2) I'm not an expert at one particular thing. I'm good in a lot of things. This is a problem when it comes to deciding on a career.
3) I'm adopted. I dont know my birth family. I've been told i was given up because my biological parents loved me so much they wanted me to live a better life. I believed it when i was naive and didnt know any better. I dont blame them or anything for giving me up, i love them so much. I really want to meet at least my biological mother and figure out where i came from.
4) I dont have many good friends. I think most people like me and i'm nice to most everyone, but i just dont have a big group of friends. My close friends make up for it though. I would not be alive right now without them.
5) I rarely try my best. I know thats bad to say, but the only things i love and would try my best at, are things ive never been supported in. Believe me, i wouldnt be what i am without my family's support, but i could be much better.
6) musicmusicmusic. lovelovelove. i love music, not what you hear on the new top 40, but ACTUAL music. Newbrooklandtavern is my favorite place to be when someone awesome's playing. It takes me away from everything and makes my life.
7) I kindof, honestly, want to President of the United States one day. If this country isn't completely in ruins by the time i'm 35.
8) I love being carefree. Traveling, adventures, loving, growing and everything thats so natural about life, i love. I should have grown up in the sixties.
9) It's hard for me to describe myself. Ask me to describe my friends? I could do it. I just dont really know myself yet. I dont know exactly who i want to be. I just want to live, and experience life.
1) I'm way different compared to your average person. I break rules, i take risks, participate in illegal activities. BUT HEY, guess what?? I'm ranked number 6 in my senior class, i love student government, i'm in theatre productions, i play in the orchestra. So, yeah. there arent too many of those walking around.
2) I'm not an expert at one particular thing. I'm good in a lot of things. This is a problem when it comes to deciding on a career.
3) I'm adopted. I dont know my birth family. I've been told i was given up because my biological parents loved me so much they wanted me to live a better life. I believed it when i was naive and didnt know any better. I dont blame them or anything for giving me up, i love them so much. I really want to meet at least my biological mother and figure out where i came from.
4) I dont have many good friends. I think most people like me and i'm nice to most everyone, but i just dont have a big group of friends. My close friends make up for it though. I would not be alive right now without them.
5) I rarely try my best. I know thats bad to say, but the only things i love and would try my best at, are things ive never been supported in. Believe me, i wouldnt be what i am without my family's support, but i could be much better.
6) musicmusicmusic. lovelovelove. i love music, not what you hear on the new top 40, but ACTUAL music. Newbrooklandtavern is my favorite place to be when someone awesome's playing. It takes me away from everything and makes my life.
7) I kindof, honestly, want to President of the United States one day. If this country isn't completely in ruins by the time i'm 35.
8) I love being carefree. Traveling, adventures, loving, growing and everything thats so natural about life, i love. I should have grown up in the sixties.
9) It's hard for me to describe myself. Ask me to describe my friends? I could do it. I just dont really know myself yet. I dont know exactly who i want to be. I just want to live, and experience life.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
tendaychallege. partone.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
Day one, folks.
1) ihateyouihateyouihateyou. why hadn't you just died? everything would have been so much easier that way. no shame, it wouldnt be as painful, i wouldnt have to figure this shit out. like just go away and leave me alone. its easier for me to not deal with it now. stop the texts, stop the voicemails. i cant stand the heartbreak. and why the fuck did you work so hard to adopt me, to just bail. huh? why??? i dont get it. do you have any idea what it feels like to be left by two fathers? any whatsoever? i know i'm supposed to become so great person, do great things and be strong. to not let this affect me, and to keep me from being a good person, that hurting me wont hurt you. But i want you to know, that you are apart of this downfall.
2) Thanks. I love how you help me to laugh. I like that i can be a fun and carefree person when i'm with you. You are my very best friend. Lugoff sucks. Airport sucks. Time for something bigger. You know i'm always here for you, and you're always there for me.
<3 Anchor (:
3) Man. updownupdownupdownupdown. you are an idiot. like seriousy? you cant not have any idea? but i guess thats part of it. i'm always here for you when i shouldnt be. i'm working on that.
4) You have always been my rock. Keeping me grounded. But you need to start backing off just a little. Dont keep bringing it up. Asking if i'm okay, asking whats going on? that doesnt help me. when i come down to your house, unless i ask you, or talk about certain things, dont mention it.
5) You are my best friend. Will be forever. you know whats going on. I think i tell you stuff and you always help me, but a lot of times you dont really know how to react when im trying to tell you that i'm not okay. I'm sorry for putting that pressure on you. i dont do it on purpose, i just need to tell SOMEONE. Just thanks so much for always being there and making me laugh.
6) Dont worry about me. Dont try and stop me. Just youve gotta let me go. If i want to do it, im going to do it. I need space. Please stop putting me down, and patronizing me. You may think that you are never as bad as him, but sometimes the things you say to me, really sticks, and tears me apart. I dont mind you having that man in your life now, but dont talk about him, and like his favorite sports team just because he likes them. we
arent in the fourth grade. You're 44.
7) What happened to you? You're such a wannabe. Like what? You used to be completely against the people youre such "good" friends with. What happened to being different? And not giving a shit. You are NOT better than anyone else. Nobody thinks that the way you act is cool, or attractive. Its just an act, and its ridiculous.
8) You arent as bad as ^ but its still weird. You were always the cool crazy girl who didnt give one flying fuck, now you become like everyone else.
9) I miss you. We shared almost everything. Although i know if we were friends now, we would be so destructive of ourselves, but i miss the fun we had. I hope you're doing okay.
10) I fucking hate you, you bitch whore homewrecker.
(i believe that sums it up)
well, there you go.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
Day one, folks.
1) ihateyouihateyouihateyou. why hadn't you just died? everything would have been so much easier that way. no shame, it wouldnt be as painful, i wouldnt have to figure this shit out. like just go away and leave me alone. its easier for me to not deal with it now. stop the texts, stop the voicemails. i cant stand the heartbreak. and why the fuck did you work so hard to adopt me, to just bail. huh? why??? i dont get it. do you have any idea what it feels like to be left by two fathers? any whatsoever? i know i'm supposed to become so great person, do great things and be strong. to not let this affect me, and to keep me from being a good person, that hurting me wont hurt you. But i want you to know, that you are apart of this downfall.
2) Thanks. I love how you help me to laugh. I like that i can be a fun and carefree person when i'm with you. You are my very best friend. Lugoff sucks. Airport sucks. Time for something bigger. You know i'm always here for you, and you're always there for me.
<3 Anchor (:
3) Man. updownupdownupdownupdown. you are an idiot. like seriousy? you cant not have any idea? but i guess thats part of it. i'm always here for you when i shouldnt be. i'm working on that.
4) You have always been my rock. Keeping me grounded. But you need to start backing off just a little. Dont keep bringing it up. Asking if i'm okay, asking whats going on? that doesnt help me. when i come down to your house, unless i ask you, or talk about certain things, dont mention it.
5) You are my best friend. Will be forever. you know whats going on. I think i tell you stuff and you always help me, but a lot of times you dont really know how to react when im trying to tell you that i'm not okay. I'm sorry for putting that pressure on you. i dont do it on purpose, i just need to tell SOMEONE. Just thanks so much for always being there and making me laugh.
6) Dont worry about me. Dont try and stop me. Just youve gotta let me go. If i want to do it, im going to do it. I need space. Please stop putting me down, and patronizing me. You may think that you are never as bad as him, but sometimes the things you say to me, really sticks, and tears me apart. I dont mind you having that man in your life now, but dont talk about him, and like his favorite sports team just because he likes them. we
arent in the fourth grade. You're 44.
7) What happened to you? You're such a wannabe. Like what? You used to be completely against the people youre such "good" friends with. What happened to being different? And not giving a shit. You are NOT better than anyone else. Nobody thinks that the way you act is cool, or attractive. Its just an act, and its ridiculous.
8) You arent as bad as ^ but its still weird. You were always the cool crazy girl who didnt give one flying fuck, now you become like everyone else.
9) I miss you. We shared almost everything. Although i know if we were friends now, we would be so destructive of ourselves, but i miss the fun we had. I hope you're doing okay.
10) I fucking hate you, you bitch whore homewrecker.
(i believe that sums it up)
well, there you go.
Monday, October 4, 2010
4:43 P.M.
that's when it was finished. written on paper. definite. absolute. no turning back. change.
man, i hate change.
i hate things to be definite. i'm a fan of the infinite. not definite.
i feel like all of this has happened so fast, my life has been completely changed forever, and i had nothing to do with it. i had no control in anything that went on. thats why everything is just so unreal. its not real. please don't be real.
take me away,
away from here,
to a place thats new,
a place thats free.
let me be free.
i just want to float,
float away in the sunset sky.
take me to a new born star.
let me shine as bright as the sun,
shine like all heaven's glory.
forget everything.
only know that that shine.
that happiness and
that freedom,
is what holds me together.
piece
by
piece.
"When I told you I loved you, god damning I meant it. When I told you I loved you, good Jesus I meant it." - RAGC
man, i hate change.
i hate things to be definite. i'm a fan of the infinite. not definite.
i feel like all of this has happened so fast, my life has been completely changed forever, and i had nothing to do with it. i had no control in anything that went on. thats why everything is just so unreal. its not real. please don't be real.
take me away,
away from here,
to a place thats new,
a place thats free.
let me be free.
i just want to float,
float away in the sunset sky.
take me to a new born star.
let me shine as bright as the sun,
shine like all heaven's glory.
forget everything.
only know that that shine.
that happiness and
that freedom,
is what holds me together.
piece
by
piece.
"When I told you I loved you, god damning I meant it. When I told you I loved you, good Jesus I meant it." - RAGC
Monday, September 27, 2010
Apathy
"I'm not carefree, I'm free to care. I just never do."
I'm so done with high school. Ohmygod. I'd do anything to not have to go the rest of the year. College is calling. I need to get out and be on my own. Start a new, better life. Meet people, travel and experience beautiful things. I need freedom.
I have a serious case of senioritis. big time. lets just hope that i can find a way to make it through the year.
Also, I honestly don't care about shit anymore. Like whatever happens, happens. If I look bad, it doesnt bother me. Most of the kids at school, I couldn't care less about. I do enjoy music, and outside, and beautiful things, and laughing. That's whats making me happy these days.
Thank God for Stevie Laughead and Aaron Speer, or I'd be so completely dead right now.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I need to say something. Part Two.
This is for all of you who broke my heart, or if i broke yours, i'm truely sorry.
Dear you,
I love you.
I hate you.
if that makes any sense. i've loved you for a while, and it has been awful. my mom once told me in regards to you, "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's was truely yours, if it doesnt, it never was." i believe that to be true to a certain extent. but whatever. loving you has been a rollercoaster ride of crazy. Mostly downs, but the highs were so high. You caused me so much pain. so so much. i think i'm finally over it. we've both changed, and i'm moving on. i will miss all the awesome times we had together, but i'm starting to believe it was all false happiness. i will no longer be used by you. i'll see you from time to time, but i'll be fine. you can't control my emotions anymore.
hello.
i don't really know you, but you completley changed my life.
you used me and you broke a piece of my heart. you were deceitful, and beguiling. i cried for weeks after i met you/hung out with you. i didnt eat for a few days. i didnt do anything but sit on my bed,listen to "right ahead you sailor" over and over again, and get high. it was so depressing. i just wish you were sorry, i'm sorry. i wish i could take it back, but i cant.
it was nice meeting you.
fuck you!
katherine
dear europe,
i'm sorry for being scared. and being mean and cold to you.
you're a great person and i really wish we could have a second chance.
-klove
dear dear,
i'm so sorry for doing what i did to you. things just couldn't work out. you were always so nice and caring. try and continue to be that way.
-katherine.
Dear you,
I love you.
I hate you.
if that makes any sense. i've loved you for a while, and it has been awful. my mom once told me in regards to you, "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's was truely yours, if it doesnt, it never was." i believe that to be true to a certain extent. but whatever. loving you has been a rollercoaster ride of crazy. Mostly downs, but the highs were so high. You caused me so much pain. so so much. i think i'm finally over it. we've both changed, and i'm moving on. i will miss all the awesome times we had together, but i'm starting to believe it was all false happiness. i will no longer be used by you. i'll see you from time to time, but i'll be fine. you can't control my emotions anymore.
hello.
i don't really know you, but you completley changed my life.
you used me and you broke a piece of my heart. you were deceitful, and beguiling. i cried for weeks after i met you/hung out with you. i didnt eat for a few days. i didnt do anything but sit on my bed,listen to "right ahead you sailor" over and over again, and get high. it was so depressing. i just wish you were sorry, i'm sorry. i wish i could take it back, but i cant.
it was nice meeting you.
fuck you!
katherine
dear europe,
i'm sorry for being scared. and being mean and cold to you.
you're a great person and i really wish we could have a second chance.
-klove
dear dear,
i'm so sorry for doing what i did to you. things just couldn't work out. you were always so nice and caring. try and continue to be that way.
-katherine.
When it rains, it pours.
Tonight is a Right Away Great Captain night.
Basically listening to these songs are what i listen to when i'm terribly sad.
Today i found out that i will not be Jasmine in the school play Aladdin.
It's my senior year and i totally 100% deserve that part.
My best friend is Aladdin, and its so hard for me to be happy for him, but i am.
It just sucks that i'm not able to like show the world how awesome i would play that part.
I'm so sick of constantly being dissapointed.
I feel like since February of 2009, my whole life has been one big fucking dissapointment.
I miss Stevie being at my school.
Like i have no one to talk to, and really talk about stuff to at school everyday.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I want to go to college, but i don't.
I just want to go out and experience life without having all kinds of nonsense shoved down my throat.
I'm so afraid i'm going to grow up and be an addict.
I really don't want to die from that.
I want to be 100 years old and have grandchildren.
I want to sit on my porch swing, old as allgetout, laughing my ass off.
But i just dont see that coming true.
I miss so many people that have been in my life, but aren't anymore.
It kills me.
It really does.
Basically listening to these songs are what i listen to when i'm terribly sad.
Today i found out that i will not be Jasmine in the school play Aladdin.
It's my senior year and i totally 100% deserve that part.
My best friend is Aladdin, and its so hard for me to be happy for him, but i am.
It just sucks that i'm not able to like show the world how awesome i would play that part.
I'm so sick of constantly being dissapointed.
I feel like since February of 2009, my whole life has been one big fucking dissapointment.
I miss Stevie being at my school.
Like i have no one to talk to, and really talk about stuff to at school everyday.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I want to go to college, but i don't.
I just want to go out and experience life without having all kinds of nonsense shoved down my throat.
I'm so afraid i'm going to grow up and be an addict.
I really don't want to die from that.
I want to be 100 years old and have grandchildren.
I want to sit on my porch swing, old as allgetout, laughing my ass off.
But i just dont see that coming true.
I miss so many people that have been in my life, but aren't anymore.
It kills me.
It really does.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I need to say something.
There have been so many amazing people that have been in my life, as well as pretty terrible ones.
This is for them.
hey.
i'm not even sure if i saw you, i could say that to you.
you've messed up big time. i thought i was great enough for you to wanna stick around, i guess not. i hate what you've put me through. It's been a year since i found out. and it still breaks my heart everyday. i miss the old you, please comeback? but you've got a new family now. thats cool, i hope they treat you like you treated me.
Sincerely
your daughter?
HEY!
you have gotten me through all the bad situations i've been in. even if not physically, i'm so glad youve been around to hold my hand and help me to move forward. Mrs. Nivens' second grade class was destiny for us. you are one of my super best friends and i thank you and love you for everything you've done and will do.
You're loved,
Katherine (:
ILOVEYOU!
we havent been mega best friends for a super long time, but it's so great to have you in my life. You seriously need to come back to AHS, no matter how lame it is. i love hanging out with you, evr since that bonfire in Lugoff we have been so wonderfully close. we always find something to laugh about, and we always have fun. You are always yourself, and i love that about you. always stand up for yourself. i know you've had quite a few struggles, but i know that in the end, everything will work out awesome, and you'll look back and be like WTF was i thinking?? You're a beautiful person & i love you so much.
Love,
Kat-Attack
-that's all i could write tonight, i'm terribly sleepy. i'll finish these letters tomorrow hopefully.
But for now, Goodnight.
This is for them.
hey.
i'm not even sure if i saw you, i could say that to you.
you've messed up big time. i thought i was great enough for you to wanna stick around, i guess not. i hate what you've put me through. It's been a year since i found out. and it still breaks my heart everyday. i miss the old you, please comeback? but you've got a new family now. thats cool, i hope they treat you like you treated me.
Sincerely
your daughter?
HEY!
you have gotten me through all the bad situations i've been in. even if not physically, i'm so glad youve been around to hold my hand and help me to move forward. Mrs. Nivens' second grade class was destiny for us. you are one of my super best friends and i thank you and love you for everything you've done and will do.
You're loved,
Katherine (:
ILOVEYOU!
we havent been mega best friends for a super long time, but it's so great to have you in my life. You seriously need to come back to AHS, no matter how lame it is. i love hanging out with you, evr since that bonfire in Lugoff we have been so wonderfully close. we always find something to laugh about, and we always have fun. You are always yourself, and i love that about you. always stand up for yourself. i know you've had quite a few struggles, but i know that in the end, everything will work out awesome, and you'll look back and be like WTF was i thinking?? You're a beautiful person & i love you so much.
Love,
Kat-Attack
-that's all i could write tonight, i'm terribly sleepy. i'll finish these letters tomorrow hopefully.
But for now, Goodnight.
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